Date:Thursday, May 21
Time:12:13 AM
This is very very very long!
After school, there was this little incident that my phone missing. A planed attempt. I will be dam pissed if someone rammage through my messages, invading my privacy. Spam my contact list with calls and messages, leaving behind a pile of rubbish to clear! Being paraniod and overreacting, i panicked. Things settled and I decided to get back on miaoling. Haha. But when i received the call, it didnt felt good at. I felt a little sense of guilt for maybe going too far. Making me think twice of doing such attempts again. For friends. But, in case of bitches, it will be an exception :)
Hyper after volleyball.
Not because i got myself a position in the school team. I was hoping more beginners would join the trials and at least... at least i might just stand out. Didn't happen -.- During the trails, my nerves took over. My legs were shaking a little but it was under control. Clearly, i was intimidated by their pro-ness and SPIKING!
I can just go on and rant about how unfair it was i didn't get an opportunity. Actual fact is I'm just no good enough. I didn't fight for the opportunity myself and take any initiative. My apathetic behaviour in game and un-sporty/ just came from bugis attire just made things worse, i believe, leaving quite a lousy impression to the coach. Dumbness. Its self-confidence that i will be a 100times better than all the chosen ones! Its self-denial that i'm better and should be chosen compared to some of them.
After the trials, me and wf got a ball to ourselves and i badly wanted the compensate for my lack of opportunity to play. Showing them that, I CAN play. Somehow, i feel wf feels the same way too. I wanted to act pro. Acting pro is not that bad, at least I'm mimicking the correct ways and in the end improve! All the action , setting and spiking, we were having started an adrenaline rush in me, making me all hyped-up and HIGH. Abit out of control. I want sentosa~
I cant help it that i'm childish, or acting childish/stupid at times. Because of boredom, hyper-ness, sadness, attention. Reasons that even my heart cannot comprehend. So lazy to look deeper down. I just dont like to process what I'm doing and do the first thing that comes to mind. Whatever it it, life wont allow that to happen. Wake up and just be more normal.... I will start with eating habbits... lol.
My train of thoughts is broken so i shall just end it abruptly. There were alot more thoughts actually. I shall sleep early so that i wont fall sick (feeling a flu and bad sore throat coming my way) & chop sockets!
